Blog 5 Option 1: Long Distance Dating

I was involved in a long distance relationship for two years. Because the actual physical distance between my boyfriend and I was rather large (I was in Florida and he was here in New York at Cornell) we r often relied on mediated communication to sustain our relationship.

There are numerous theories and studies done on relationship formation via mediated communication. Wallace suggests that there are 5 major factors that can either assist in building or hinder attraction in relationships. The five factors that she lists are: physical attractiveness, proximity, common ground, and disinhibition effects. The two that I found most interesting and noteworthy to apply to my example were physical attractiveness and proximity.

The principal of physical attractiveness is one of the most important variables that will increase/decrease attraction in real life. In fact in face to face meetings people make first judgments on looks, and the then the desire to become acquainted with someone comes secondary. However this principal is uniquely reversed when it comes to text/ voice based mediated communication. When there is a lack of visual stimulation we are forced to get to know someone first and then based on what we learn we may be more apt to find the individual attractive at a later time. As Wallace eloquently states, “perhaps just for this fleeting moment in history, beauty’s power is restrained.” In my situation, I knew what my boyfriend looked like because we are from the same town and dated in high school, however there were months that went by at times where we did not see each other. I feel that because we focused on “getting to know each other,” through daily discussions about our activities, friends, classes, feelings, and concerns we created a breeding ground for further attraction. In fact I would confidently say that perhaps communicating my email, phone or IM may have given us the confidence to discuss really important topics that we may not have otherwise discussed. Consequently, the more we knew understood each other, I believe the more attracted we were to one another.

The second element that I believe helped develop attraction was proximity. Proximity is the notion that the come you come into contact with someone the more likely you are to be attracted to them. In the online world Wallace gives the example of players of MUD’s or participate in chat rooms who happen be on routinely at the same times are more likely to develop a relationship with one another. In my situation, my boyfriend and I would often be on IM at the same time or call each other around the same time each night. At certain times we expected to hear/see from each other through various mediated forms- in a way it became routine. And of course the more frequently we interacted, the more interest and attraction built. This concept of “running into each other online” which I and many others experience, is called intersection frequency by Wallace. Additionally, I feel that because there was always the idea of anticipated future interaction between us, which affected the amount and way we interacted.

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