5 Second Life Love

Ric Hoogestraat is 53, married, and employed as a call-center operator making fourteen dollars an hour. In the world of Second Life, however, he is younger, richer, and more attractive. Unlike other fantasy simulations such as World of Warcraft, Second Life closely mirrors real-life in terms of landscape and the physiques chosen by players. Therefore, Mr. Hoogestraat (who goes by “Dutch” while in-world) displays a young, virile, motorcycle-riding tough guy that his wife claims is a fairly accurate depiction of the 25-year-old he once was. Nevertheless, his persona is clearly more representative of the person he would like to be than the person he actually is. Interestingly, one of the last bastions of truth in Dutch’s profile is his marital status.

Dutch met “Tenaj,” a slim redhead, while shopping in Second Life. They became friends, moved in together, and tied the e-knot three months later. Janet, the real woman behind Tenaj, is 38 and living in Canada, far away from Ric’s Phoenix suburb. Despite having exchanged virtual vows, this “couple” has no intentions of ever meeting or even talking on the phone. Their relationship is isolated to the world of Second Life, which allows Ric to claim that he has not been unfaithful to his real wife. However, deep emotional bonds seem to exist between Janet and Ric. Janet has expressed a strong connection, noting that they trust each other deeply and tell each other everything. The two even exhibit relatively normal (for an online space) couple behavior, frequenting beach parties together and hanging out in Dutch’s office. Perhaps most strikingly, Tenaj bought Dutch a private island costing $120,000 in Second Life currency ($480 in real, meaningful dollars) in order to brighten his spirits before he underwent real-world surgery.

Discussions of online deception have postulated that people strive to appear attractive and honest, which causes them to lie frequently and subtly in online spaces. Appearing attractive is clearly one of Ric’s priorities, which is facilitated by his ability to edit his avatar’s appearance. In addition, the reduced-cue atmosphere common in other online spaces does not seem to apply in Second Life, where the visual world is rich and nuanced. However, while avatars may provide copious cues to their “appearance,” these cues are often very misleading. As a result, users seem to have fairly low expectations regarding honesty in the Second Life arena. This may cause them to care less about regulating the subtlety of their lies in order to preserve an honest persona.

Wallace has identified four factors affecting online attraction: physical attraction, proximity, common ground, and disinhibition. Three of these played a role in the development of this avatar relationship. Though their physical attraction was grounded in the online appearances they crafted, it still powerfully influenced their decision to get to know eachother. They also seem to share common ground; aside from enjoying conversing with each other online, their mutual affinity for the game is itself a substantial point of similarity. The couple also seems to have experienced disinhibition, engaging in a greater degree of self-disclosure than they might have if they had met in a physical space.

Many studies have shown that in non-dating online spaces, relationship formation is predicted by people’s ability to express their “real selves” and their tendencies to self-disclose. Despite their efforts to portray idealized selves, Ric and Janet appear to have opened up to each other and conveyed many aspects of their true personalities. Cases such as this one point to the necessity of taking some virtual relationships seriously.