A discouraged Sheryl had been on the dating site eHarmony.com for nearly two months with no leads. This all changed when Shawn, a personality match, attempted to contact her. Shawn did not display a picture, but after an initial interaction and having noted Shawn’s current residence was in the same town as her alma mater, she whipped out her college yearbook to find if this guy went to school the same time as her, and if so, “get the goods” by seeing what he looked like. As she turned to the page with his picture on it, she realized that not only did Shawn and she go to school at the same time, but she distantly knew him, as they were both residential advisors and his sister lived in her dorm!
Their mutual college, activities, and acquaintances allowed them to identify with each other, as well as find some common ground and similar interests, which allowed them to connect over space and time (as Sheryl had graduated 8 years ago and had since moved hours away). Since Shawn did not display a picture and Sheryl only looked him up after their first interaction, this encounter aligns with the idea that although in traditional face-to-face relationships, one first is physically attracted to someone, and then gets to know him/her, in Computer-Mediated Communication, this process is reversed whereby you first judge someone based on their personality and, only after being satisfied on this front, see his/her appearance.
Sheryl and Shawn eventually spoke on the phone, met in person and fell in love. Shawn even moved closer to Sheryl so that he could see her more often. Since this relationship gradually progressed from usage of lean media (online, phone, face-to-face) to rich media. This suggests that it is easier to get to know someone online due to increased disinhibition and further physical distance (decreased proximity), which promotes self-disclosure. However, as a relationship deepens, richer media allow for a richer experience and deeper appreciation of one another. Sheryl noted that even on the phone, she was “captivated by his voice,” a quality she could not have picked up from his profile. She also admits, “we could not imagine how we had missed out on connecting with one another when our paths had crossed so many times during our years on the same campus.” These soul mates had the opportunity to meet and fall in love face to face, but for one reason or another, hadn’t.
Only through online communication did the two of them feel safe enough in their visual anonymity and physical distance to increase their self-awareness, and thus, self-disclosure, thereby deepening their relationship. Evidently this online medium can be a useful tool as it reduces gating features such as physical attractiveness, social anxiety, and shyness.
With regard to digital deception, it doesn’t seem as if there was any in this case. Rather than lie about physical qualities, as is common among men (regarding height) and women (regarding age and weight), Shawn and Sheryl seemed to not disclose such information immediately. The lack of pictures prevented the evaluation of assessment signals such as weight, gender, and other characteristics that are costly to display. The lack of deception contributed to the success of the relationship. This is in line with Ellison’s theory that the anticipated future interaction of these individuals who were looking for long-term, meaningful relationships, resulted in more honest self disclosure.
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http://comm245brown.blogspot.com/2007/09/5-bridezillas-by-mail.html
http://comm245brown.blogspot.com/2007/09/5-losing-connection.html
1 comment:
This is a really good analysis of the relationship factors involved in facilitating Sherry and Shawn’s relationship. In terms of digital deception, wile Sherry and Shawn didn’t lie about any physical features or aspects of their lives, it seems like they engaged in selective self-presentation, which could be seen as in line with the hyperpersonal model. They wanted to exaggerate the traits they wanted other people to know and that they thought were positive and downplay traits they did thought might negatively effect how people perceived them. Overall, I think it’s a pretty crazy coincidence how Sherry and Shawn were reunited, so obviously what they were doing worked. Wallace’s attraction factors really helped bring them together.
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