To start off, I will list the four Wallace attraction factors: physical attraction, proximity, common ground, and disinhibition effect. They play critical roles in online relationships.
Well I can’t really call this one a relationship, at least not that kind, but for convenience purposes, I will just call it a relationship (there are many types of relationships after all). I know this girl, E, from my high school Science Team. She was the captain before she graduated. I have to admit that she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met (but I have never told her how I feel about her).
I talked to her a few times (my tongue was completely tied up as expected), but I did manage to elicit some laughter. Then I talked to her about club related things via email. And eventually, we talked about more non-club related things. We became friends. After she graduated, we stayed in touch via email (she commented that I’m about the only one from high school she still keeps in touch with). And we talked on AIM after I finally installed AIM (I am really old fashioned).
So I guess this relationship started from FtF and continued on CMC. And since I really got to know her during our conversations through CMC, this is a case of physical attraction preceding the establishment of common ground. According to Wallace, in FtF situation, the people tend to meet others by looks then decide that want to get to know them. This is said to be (perhaps) the most important factor. And truth be told, I was attracted to her at first due to her appearance.
And after we talked more and more online, I found that we both like to ponder about philosophy. She had read many philosophical pieces while I had read virtually none in comparison -- I read about mythologies and philosopher quotes and try to test their essence with real life situations (reading is not my forte after all). In short, she really knows a lot of stuff, and epistemic evidence I noticed in our conversations shows that she is a very caring and understanding person. I really enjoy talking to her, and I respect her even more than before. I even put her Xanga site into my collection of good philosophy sites. Common ground refers to mutually shared beliefs, assumptions and propositions. We are attracted to people with whom we share a common ground, as shown in this case.
In conclusion, physical attraction created the initial link in this relationship, and common ground fortified it and made it long lasting.
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2 comments:
I enjoyed reading your post, and found it very similar to mine in that I too had previously known (and seen) the person I interacted with via CMC. Wallace does say that many F+F relationships start out because the individuals find the other attractive, which may have also been the case for both of us as well. However, I believe that like you, my communication via email, phone, and IM was what really enhanced my long distance relationship. I think the lack of barrier and increased ability to self discloses is more prevalent in CMC than in F+F. Discovering common ground, as you mentioned, strengthen your friendship. I believe that it is the case in all types of relationships though, however sometimes common ground isn’t found until CMC takes place.
Good post and interesting story. I think your relationship with E is probably how a lot of good relationships start in FTF. You admitted that you were at first attracted to her basically only because of her physical appearance. This makes sense, as Wallace says we make these kinds of assessments almost instantaneously when face to face. This may have sparked your interest, but it was clearly the common ground you explored via CMC communication that kept your relationship strong. After all, most relationships don't last very long when the people involved only think they are hot, but don't share much common ground.
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